It's Not About Me

"God is not after perfecting me to be a specimen in His showroom; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He likes." - Oswald Chambers

We have this mistaken notion that once we get past a hurdle--whatever that hurdle may be--our life will get easier. Finally, we'll glide through the life of our dreams. We hold our breath until danger passes, whine about the inconvenience of it all, and assume the worst is behind us. This was my flawed thinking, anyway, when I turned 20-something. By 30-something, I was still waiting for life to get better, except by then I noticed how life's hurdles hit with more frequency and intensity, and none of it made sense. Yep, 'bad things happen to good people,' but none of us understand why, except that we 'live in a fallen world.' We pass around spiritual cliches like hor's douvres until hurting friends find it hard to stomach anymore. By 40-something, I was ready to roll over and play dead til my own troubles lifted, but was besiezed by a Gildna Radner moment: "Ya know, it's always somethin'!" So I got up, buckled down for the ride, and tried to make the best of it--in my own strength, usually.

Now that I'm nearly half a century-old, I'm realizing that the detours I didn't want to take were already factored into this fractured life of mine for reasons unbeknownst to me. And I'm not getting out alive. But God Himself has prepared a specially designed route for me--a journey where I'll meet Him one-on-one, experiencing Him fully for myself. It's not enough to know about Him, or nod in agreement with others over a bible verse. It's got to be real--our relationship with Christ. He may be trying to bring me to a place where He can use me, but I don't think that's the main point anymore. While He uses me when I'm least aware and undeserving, He is more concerned about having an authentic relationship with me. And He will do what it takes.

As much as I'd like to be the model Christian, I've failed miserably enough to know that this Christian life is not a religion or theory to live. It is impossible to live the Christian life. If you don't believe me, keep trying. I sure can't do it. But before you die of shock, let me assure you, I've not lost the faith. There is much I don't understand, but this I know--difficult circumstances come to all of us, sooner or later. Through pain and sorrow we find that it's not enough to tie a knot at the end of our rope. We need Jesus. Our resources fail. Only as we surrender completely to Him do we come to know the power of His life. Please understand--God doesn't need our 'help.' It's not necessarily about doing our 'best.' Our righteousness, after all, is like filthy rags, according to the bible. The point is not even to "put Him first," as we keep telling each other to do. God is not an item at the top of our to-do list. HE IS OUR LIFE. He wants US. Totally. No hidden agendas. No holding back. He knows what needs to be done in each of our lives, and He will do what needs to be done through us, once we get out of the way.

Surrender is hard to learn. Maybe that's why I've had more than one wake-up call. It is only through absolute surrender to Christ that He is able to exhibit His life and love and awesome power through us. In Him, we live and move and have our being. I want to live and move and have my being in Him, don't you?

This truth sets me free. As Oswald Chambers wrote, "Let Him do what He likes." After all, I have been crucified with Christ--my life is not my own anymore.

If you belong to Christ, neither is yours.

"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him" Isaiah 59:19b (KJV).